True Life: I'm a memory hoarder.

Hello September! This month is all about letting go. Sounds easy, but it's very hard. Like the first doll you've ever received or like those pictures you never want to delete. Letting go is one of the hardest things anybody ever has to do. 

How do you let go?  Well, it's different for everybody. Some people like to go cold turkey and just do it. Others like to do it slowly, but surely. Me? It depends on the situation. 

I am the QUEEN of holding on. A guy hoarder if you will. If I am single and unless you do something that's just a clear red flag, then I like to keep you around whether that be from a distance or real close. Regardless, if I had you I like to keep you until IM done. Is this a good thing? HELL TO THE NO. Not for me or for the people I'm dealing with. For me it isn't good because what good is holding on to dead weight? It's like having on wet clothes... you feel weighed down. It's not good for the people I deal with because karma my friends... is real. What you put into the world, you get right back and besides it's just not fair. Didn't your mother teach you that if you don't want it done to you, don't do it to others? I'll be the first to admit it, I do not like being alone. I love being able to have someone to talk to, hang with, call whenever I want, but sometimes being alone is good and very much needed. Without that time to yourself, I've learned that you're not allowing yourself time to heal, to process or to comprehend. Jumping from guy to guy/relationship to relationship does nothing, but carry baggage from person to person/situation to situation. When you are dealing with someone you always want a clean slate. That clean slate is your way of knowing what growth has happened and what growth still needs to be done. 

I've had my fair share of guys. None were identical, but they all had some similarities. One being, that they had to be let go. Listen, there is no book explaining what's worth it and what isn't. It's all up to you, but some things that I personally look for are:

• Hesitation: If I am with you, I do not want to feel like some things are off limits or having to question "Is it time for this? Are we there in our relationship yet?" I love clarity and security.

• If there is a sense of fogginess, a grey area. Some things that are being done that just have me like "ehhh".

• If when I express myself, it's a problem. Understand the difference between arguing and expressing, it's all in the tone. If the slightest expression turns you off, depending on the situation or person that could indicated some things.

• If my happiness is gone. This one is clear. If I am tolerating more so than being happy, it's simply not for me.

• If we argue more than we communicate.

• If I am compromising more than I should have to and there is no 100/100, 50/50 and it's more so 80/20... NO.

The list goes on, but that's just to name a few. 

You shouldn't have to compromise your happiness for anyone. The whole point of relationships is to be happy. Yes, there will be some hardships, every moment will not be amazing, but overall it should be mutual to the point that you're not the only one trying to make things work.

So wrapped up, you forgot about your goals! Refocus, recommit and remain patient for what God has planned for you. There are so many other things that deserve your attention. That job that pays well, those places you want to travel to, that class you keep struggling with, they all need attention too. The people who are acting as positive forces in your life, deserve attention too. As nurturing being one of our first instincts as women, we sometimes give our energy into things that seem good, but actually are not good for us. Sometimes the hardships are indeed needed. Those hardships help us grow, gives us lessons, but it should never be forced or for it to feel like it is draining you. Do not ignore the signs, do what's best for you and if that means not giving things that aren't benefitting you attention, then so be it. Once letting go, you then allow what's meant to surface. And trust me, the best things are unexpected and they often times feel great.