Single Drunk Female

POV: You’re on Instagram scrolling and you see… another baby shower, gender reveal, wedding, closing on a house with a partner, a baby shower, a wedding, so on and repeat. You’re now thinking of your own life with a glass of wine in hand, a blunt in the ashtray, your favorite show to binge that you’ve now watched for the 5th time, lights dimmed, in the bed, alone. You’re now crying and sad because you’re reflecting on your life and how you don’t have a family of your own, you’re nowhere near a long term relationship and you’re in your quaint apartment alone, no pets, no nothing! Your 20s are some of the weirdest years of your life. While you sulk in your own sadness, you seem to forget that you have things others long for. You have freedom, you have choices, you have your own space, you have some peace of mind despite the little bit of sorrow you keep trying to pin on yourself. You plan in your teens, thinking you’ll have a house by 25, married by 26 and kids by 27 and although that is SOME people’s story, majority of us are single, with unhealthy vices and waiting patiently for things to manifest in our life. I was told this once and ever since it has changed my outlook on all of my plans… “you have not received your blessings yet because you are still becoming the person you need to be in order to receive them”. Some may read this and get discouraged, but there is such a bright side to this quote. For me, it reminds me to embrace the process. That there is still growing and learning to do. It also makes me feel hopeful that everything I want is on its way to me, I am the person standing in my own way of achieving these things.

When I was in my teens, like everyone I thought I had it all figured out. One of my biggest goals was to have children. I just knew in my 20s I would experience my own family and bearing a child. So many of my friends had children, I felt like I was unaccomplished and inexperienced. I was so convinced that my 20s was my time and that I was missing out on something that sometimes I would nag in relationships about it. Yes, I am ashamed to say that I was that girl. It was kind of giving the girl on the first date who goes on and on with no breaks about the kind of man and life she wants to live. I would tell the guys I am dating that this is what I want, the timeline and unconsciously I was pressuring people to think of things that would/should come naturally, instead of focusing on the present and watering what is in front of me. Am I regretful of it? No, I do feel that the person for me would not view it as nagging, but as an expression of my plans that included them. However it still doesn’t excuse the fact that some things just come with time and it’s best to not have expectations, especially big expectations because it will lead to a bigger disappointment. I also thought marriage was on the horizon in my 20s, which slowly turned from marriage to just desiring companionship, but through this desire I manifested karmic relationships that taught me lessons and revealed a lot about myself that I was not aware of. I also thought that through seeing others get married, start families, etc that because I wasn’t experiencing these things I was lacking, I was not worthy, something was wrong with me and I wasn't desirable. Sometimes I get so in my head about it that I intoxicate myself to not think about it. Sometimes I dig myself so deep in my own bubble that I don’t talk to anyone, I am not active on social media, I bury myself because I don‘t want to worry people of my troubles daily or don’t want to come off depressed, but honestly it can be depressing. On one hand I allow myself to feel and to think and to sulk because I am able to be honest with myself and shut off outside opinions and really get in tune with myself, but on the other hand… “you have not received your blessings yet because you are still becoming the person you need to be in order to receive them”, I had to remind myself that I am in my phase of preparation. These words have truly kept me. How odd would it be to have a child or enter a relationship and I am incapable of managing and maintaining it, I am not stable or I am so traumatized that I can’t even recognize when something is truly for me? At this age, I would rather be prepared than temporarily fulfilled because I THOUGHT I was ready.

Through thinking these things, I also analyzed my goals and how they correlate to womanhood. Of course as a woman, we are capable of bearing children and there are things we can do that men can’t, so naturally we desire certain things, but isn't it odd how as women we define our advancement in life based on our relationships with others? How after a certain age we feel undesirable if we do not have children or we are belittled if we do not have them or questioned when we don’t want them. Or marriage where if you aren’t married by a certain age then likely “no man will want you“ because people will wonder why you are not married yet. Even with a house, it’s not a relationship with someone else, but why are certain things deemed major when really it’s dependent on the person accomplishing them and what THEY want. Not everyone wants kids, not everyone wants to be married, not everyone wants a house. If you want these things, okay, but through thinking of my own personal goals I realized how universal these things are and how sometimes society makes us feel like we are on a deadline or we are weird for not wanting certain things, when the beauty of life today is having more choices.

Seeing people your age accomplishing things will have you looking at your own life differently. Comparison is a huge thief of joy. You may not have children, but you are able to move freely and do as you please. You may be single, but you aren’t getting cheated on *big eyes*. You may not have a house, but you have a beautiful space fit just for you. There’s beauty in everything, it just depends on how you look at it. It’s natural to think ahead, but don’t forget to embrace where you are now. You may see others doing things you want, but isn’t it beautiful to know that these things are brewing and are waiting for you to be the best YOU to receive them? Isn’t it beautiful to know that when it does finally come, it will be everything you imagined and well worth the wait? There's nothing wrong with having these things, wanting these things or not wanting these things, but the error comes with desiring them for the wrong reasons. Social media and other outlets make it extremely hard to focus on your own plate, but it is important to tend to your own goals and desires to remember what you want and the life you envision for yourself. About every other month, I do a detox from social media. I delete the apps off of my phone and find other ways to be productive. In doing so, it also helps me separate reality from social media and refocus on my own world. The next time you are feeling down, overwhelmed, scatter brained or discouraged strip yourself from toxicity and fill yourself with things that make you happy for however long you deem fit. I typically aim for 2 weeks to a month, but give yourself the time needed to recharge and see how you feel. I guarantee it will help you feel more aligned.