Just when you thought you were alone...

Just when you thought you were alone, huh? We've all been there. No, it's not your period. No, it's not because you didn't eat a snickers. No, it's not because bae didn't text you back (well maybe), but the point is don't overthink it. We've all had those days where we just want to be left alone. Days where we think nothing is going right. Days where we wonder what our purpose is. Days where we just can't seem to figure it out. Days where we don't know how we're going to get happy, we just know we want to be happy. Yeah, I get it. That's why this blog is for you!

I must admit that this is weird. I literally have so many thoughts and ideas that I have no idea where to start, but I guess I'll start here... I'm 21 years old. That already explains a lot. 21 is supposed to be the year of fun, being an adult and doing hood rat things, but that is so false. No one ever tells you about the feeling of thinking you should have it all together by now or the shitty boys that you meet or the imaginary money you have or or OR becoming more aware that you thought you had it all figured out, but in actuality... you don't. These feelings become soooooo overbearing sometimes. It's like just when you get over it, the thoughts come right back.

I've always been the relationship type girl, but I've never been the relationship type girl... doesn't make sense? Ok, let me rephrase. I've been in constant relationships, but I've never been in an impactful relationship. You know, the kind where we're together everyday. The kind where you know every Christmas there will be a gift from that special someone under the tree. The kind that you spend every Holiday with. All in all, the kind that makes it past a year. Hey, I'm just being honest. It wasn't until I got to college that I understood why.

So look, my junior year of college and I'm making this long, played out story, very short. I was dealing with a guy for almost a year. I know right, ALMOST made it to a year, baby steps. Anyways, we were in a long distance relationship. Talked everyday, all day, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Overall it had its ups and downs. I was so invested in this, that I forgot that we weren't even official, though it felt like we were. I mean we had everything, but the title and although a title to most means so little, it really is and can be a big factor. Let's argue... after my story though. So anyway, everything was great, until he got a girlfriend on me. I Found out via social media. Like wow, ok. I'm not an emotional person at all, but when this happened I let it all out. Like it was so painful just because I knew how deeply I was invested and to be disregarded and disposed like I was nothing, hurt. Let's not mention the scare I had within the same week due to the same guy, the emotions from being fake cheated on and the scare was just too much ESPECIALLY because after it all happened he didn't say two words to me, so I was left to deal with everything BY MYSELF. Worthless, dumb, naive, stupid, yeah these words are all similar, but so what! That's how negative this situation had me thinking about myself. It's crazy because one of the first questions I asked myself was "What did you do to make this happen?" Was I boring? Was I ugly? Was my ass not big enough?

It wasnt until more months of solitude did I realize that I did nothing wrong. I was the best I could be, I did all I could do, I wasn't boring, I wasn't (still not, never will be) ugly, my ass isn't big, but hey I'm still cute. It was just as simple as this, IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE. Everything is written. God literally knows it all before it happens. Life isn't made to be figured out and neither is love, but you know what is? YOU. Instead of crying and being mad, I re-focused, I found a hobby, I worked on my skin, I drank more water, I focused on school, I made money and essentially all these things is what brought him right back to my messages. Guys love to chase and knowing that he was no longer my focus, is what drew him closer. Is that what I was looking for? No. During this time, I honestly wanted the thought and feelings to go away. Did that help? Temporarily. It wasn't until I faced my feelings did I understand that it wasn't my loss to take, it was his. It wasn't until I faced my feelings did I realize who I am and all that I offer. Once I realized this, everything else was smooth sailing. The things he said couldn't affect me anymore, the posts he made didn't irritate me anymore, when I heard his name, it didn't make me cringe anymore. I was ok.

I say this to say, time to yourself is needed. Thinking (not overthinking) is needed. SOLITUDE is needed. Without having real conversations with yourself, you'll never know who you are let alone the person you're trying to pursue. So what's the overall lesson here? Solitude. Say it with me, sol-i-tudeeeeee. "We can't change the world, unless we change ourselves." The start and end is YOU. (uabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzu)! This blog is my journey to self-love and more confidence. This blog is my step by step process of how to achieve these things. This blog is to encourage other women to do the same thing. This blog is about ourselves (yes, we're being selfish this year), but it's also using our previous experiences with relationships as lessons to help guide us to where we want to be. Why relationships? Well, it's my common denominator. Most of the things I have learned about myself have been by dealing with other people. And plus what girl talk doesn't involve boys and friendships?

Dear "IT" girl, this letter is for you! Just when you thought you were alone, huh? We've all been there. No, it's not your period. No, it's not because you didn't eat a snickers. No, it's not because bae didn't text you back (well maybe), but the point is don't overthink it. We've all had those days where we just want to be left alone. Days where we think nothing is going right. Days where we wonder what our purpose is. Days where we just can't seem to figure it out. Days where we don't know how we're going to get happy, we just know we want to be happy. Yeah, I get it. That's why this blog is for you!

#solitude #relationships #21 #it #girl